Nicole Begley (00:00)
In today's episode, we are going to dig into what happens when someone close to you is not as supportive as you would hope of your photography business or is even questioning or doubting the possibility of success for your business. Oof, that can be really hard to deal with. Well, if you've ever experienced that or you think you might be experiencing that, well, stay tuned to this episode because we have a powerful coaching episode coming up.

Nicole Begley (00:26)
I'm Nicole Bagley, a zoological animal trainer turned pet and family photographer. Back in 2010, I embarked on my own adventure in photography, transforming a bootstrapping startup into a thriving six-figure business by 2012. Since then, my mission has been to empower photographers like you, sharing the knowledge and strategies that have helped me help thousands of photographers build their own profitable businesses. I believe that achieving $2,000 $3,000 sales is your fastest route to six-figure businesses.

that any technically proficient photographer can consistently hit four figure sales. And no matter if you want photography to be your full-time passion or a part-time pursuit, profitability is possible. If you're a portrait photographer aspiring to craft a business that aligns perfectly with the life you envision, then you're in exactly the right place. With over 350,000 downloads, welcome to the Freedom Focus Photography Podcast.

Nicole Begley (01:26)
Welcome back to the Freedom Focus Photography podcast. name is Nicole Begley and I am your host today. However, today is actually being hosted by our good friend Heather Lattinen. And this is a coaching call that we are replaying for you with the permission from our Elevate student, because this is a situation that happens far too often. And a lot of times we might find ourselves in a situation where someone that's really important to us might not have the same, ⁓

belief that our business is going to be successful as we do. And that can be really challenging to navigate.

So if you've ever felt that or are curious how you can help someone else get through that, if they're experiencing that, then take a listen to this episode because I think it's going to be a really eye-opening one.

Speaker 1 (02:10)
Today, I'm sharing a recent conversation with one of our Elevate members who was wrestling with a challenge that I think so many of us face, maybe all of us, and that's when the people closest to us don't understand, support, or validate our photography business dreams or even just our approach. And of course, we want the approval of the people that we care about.

whether that's a spouse, a parent, a friend, their opinions can feel heavy, especially when they question our pricing or they doubt our ability to succeed or maybe even suggest that our business is, and I quote, just a cute little hobby. And that can hurt because we care. But here's the truth. Their approval is not required for your success.

Your dreams are valid because you hold them. The only permission you need is your own. Coaching helps you untangle those emotions and regain your power. And that helps you to build confidence. But it's not by changing others. It's by transforming how you show up. Because when you believe in yourself deeply, then their doubts cannot derail you.

This episode is a reminder that you don't need to convince anyone of your worth or your business. You just need to keep going. This is exactly why I believe everyone needs a coach so you can gain the tools to stand strong in your vision even when others don't see it. I hope that you enjoy our conversation.

Speaker 2 (03:57)
So my husband lately, this is more of a call about him and how to deal with him mindset wise, because he, in moments of heatedness, likes, like he did last night, he threw around like, your business is failing. And I don't take that on myself, but it still pisses me off. Because it's not, and I don't want him,

Speaker 1 (04:12)
Hmm.

Yeah, why?

Speaker 2 (04:27)
His negative view puts me down, you know, and his view of it is so different from my view of it that I want to be more partners in life and on the same page. And he has such a fear of failure for him to throw around the word fail is a big freaking deal.

So knowing that's coming from him, knowing that he's almost trying to hurt me with it, know, hurts, you know?

Speaker 1 (05:02)
saying that though says more about his fear failure than it does yours.

Speaker 2 (05:06)
It does, it does. This is why I mean it, I'm not taking it on as like, you know, like, my gosh, I'm cowering in your ear or like embodying that mentality. just, I don't know how to approach him about changing that or like, or how I can deal with his mindset issues with my own mindset.

Speaker 1 (05:30)
Okay, so we'll let you.

Speaker 2 (05:32)
This is like something that you can coach on, but I. Okay.

Speaker 1 (05:34)
100 % yes.

Because if it's not a husband, it's a mother or it's a friend or somebody that's just with the negativity about your business, right?

Speaker 2 (05:44)
This is why you don't show your price list to people who don't get it.

Speaker 1 (05:47)
Exactly right. Yeah. So yeah, I can definitely help you with this. If we just, if we could just change him and fix his mindset, this would all be cleaned up. ⁓

Speaker 2 (05:59)
I mean, that'd be nice.

Speaker 1 (06:00)
would

be great. I mean, if everybody would just get it and behave the way we wanted them to behave and they just like sat down and supported us and told us we were awesome all the time, then it would be, I know these

Speaker 2 (06:14)
That's

what GPT

Speaker 1 (06:20)
What has your experience been just in general with changing people?

Speaker 2 (06:25)
not great. mean, it doesn't work. It doesn't work. Yeah, it doesn't. It doesn't work. It's more about inviting them into your mindset, I think, as opposed to trying to change them. It's opening yourself up to letting them receive you.

Speaker 1 (06:41)
Yeah, leading by example. Yeah. Right. Just showing them what's possible. So we can't change him and we can't fix his mindset. Right. Just like anybody else. We can't change anyone else. Yeah. So what can we do?

Speaker 2 (06:57)
remain calm in this situation, I think, which I do, I do, I've gotten really good at that actually.

Speaker 1 (07:04)
Yeah. Do

you when you're able to remain calm, what do find yourself thinking or telling yourself?

Speaker 2 (07:17)
feel like one, I'm annoyed that he goes from zero to 60. He like burns hot and fast. He gets over things. I'm the exact opposite. Like I burn slow and steady and don't talk to him for like three days. ⁓

Speaker 1 (07:31)
Yeah!

Speaker 2 (07:35)
but also just that I'm sad for him. Like I feel bad for him. Sad for him that he has these negative emotions that he doesn't know how to express in English.

Speaker 1 (07:44)
because you you know that there's a way that's that's easier less painful. Yeah. Right.

Speaker 2 (07:51)
Obviously, but you know, it's a

Speaker 1 (07:54)
You have some compassion. Yes. But like, my gosh, he doesn't have to burn so high and so hot. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's really beautiful. Isn't it? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (08:06)
And that helps me deal with corrupt, like the bounce back, like not taking it on myself, you know?

Speaker 1 (08:14)
So how could you lean more into compassion for him because you're not taking it personally, you're not believing those words, you're not taking them on, you know, it's more about him, you know what he thinks he's his projection. So how could you lean more into compassion and how would you feel if you did so?

Speaker 2 (08:39)
I think he needs a lot of encouragement and I think I need to...

It's not a bad idea to like, I mean, his schedule is crazy. So our time together is limited. And like, I haven't been able to even show him what the rescue people gave me for our dog a week ago, like, like brought home, you know, like there just hasn't been that time carved out. ⁓ I feel like I could be more transparent on a daily basis with what I'm doing and accomplishing. he knows, so he has an idea.

Speaker 1 (09:15)
Okay, but that's still you trying to change him.

Okay. You're trying to get him to see. Yeah. It's like when somebody is doing something we don't like, it's like we want them to understand. If you just understood and if you just saw it my way and if you just knew XYZ, then you wouldn't behave this way. That's fair. But that's not true. They're going to behave the way. So

Speaker 2 (09:22)
that's right.

I mean, it is a little bit true a little bit because like last week when I was the first day home with both dogs by myself and the first day home with them in general, like he had to work that day. He's like, what did you do today? It's like, I managed the dogs and he's like, no, no, what else did you do today? It's like, I managed the dogs. Like they were playing before. Yeah. And two seconds later they were at each other's throats. Like it's a thing right now. So once he saw that for himself, he was like, fine. But I

Speaker 1 (10:09)
You didn't convince him of that.

Speaker 2 (10:11)
I didn't convince him. He had to create for himself.

Speaker 1 (10:15)
Correct. So if you think in terms of the model, his words, his actions and behaviors are your circumstance line. Okay. Okay. So, you know, like mom, friend, husband, whatever says words about business. Yeah. Okay. Then you have a thought and that's where you have agency. The thought, you know, is like, he doesn't understand me. He doesn't know I have to explain, you know, and then that's you trying to change his behavior.

Speaker 2 (10:36)
Okay.

Speaker 1 (10:44)
Yes. Which you don't have control over.

Speaker 2 (10:47)
through.

Speaker 1 (10:48)
only have control over your thought line. If you wanted to, like lean more into compassion, your action line, compassion, and ⁓ you said you wanted to encourage him, if you wanted to encourage him and feel compassion, what would you need to think about his behavior?

Speaker 2 (11:11)
don't know. ⁓

I think it's just, I feel sad for him or I feel.

Speaker 1 (11:23)
What about like, is his journey. ⁓

Speaker 2 (11:26)
Okay,

okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 (11:28)
He's having his own experience as a human. And that, and yes, I wish that were different. That's fair. Yeah. He's having his own experience through his own lens of what he believes to be true about me or my business. That's his journey. I don't receive that. And I'm sad that he hasn't maybe done the work I've done to see this differently. Like, ⁓ man, this doesn't have to be so hard on him, but he's not there yet.

And you feel a little more calm and neutral and you can act from a place of compassion and encouragement.

Speaker 2 (12:01)
Yes, that, yes, yes, yes, yes, thank you. That are the thing, that's exactly what was trying to say and couldn't find the words. Yeah. You've got words. I've got words.

Speaker 1 (12:08)
It's fine, I've got words.

Speaker 2 (12:14)
And that's very true because his fear of failure goes back to his childhood and his parents and his journey. He doesn't deal with it. He doesn't deal with the things in his life. And side note, he's been using chat GPT lately as like an interactive journal and it's so good for him because he just needs to get his thoughts and feelings out. Yeah. Good. it's so good. So that's a cool little way of doing things for anyone who like has this issue too with their

people or themselves, you use it as a, as your cheerleader, but also just getting your, thoughts out. ⁓ but yeah, so I do, I do feel like that is absolutely his journey. ⁓ I just don't know how to necessarily encourage him other than what I'm doing or maybe not the journey, you know, maybe that's not what I need to be doing in terms of.

Speaker 1 (13:05)
He needs his journey and his experience, however he needs it. And I can understand why you would want to help because you care. And again, that's a beautiful thing. But how do you know that you solving that problem isn't hindering his journey? You think you're going to help it. But what if you're wrong? What if he needs it to happen the way it's happening so that he gets the lessons he needs to get to the next part of his journey? Sometimes we need to just like stay out of it.

To some degree.

Speaker 2 (13:35)
Yeah, no, that's.

That's an interesting.

Speaker 1 (13:40)
My coach, yeah, I can't take credit for this. My coach helped me with this a few years ago. I have a friend that I swear just loves to struggle just every, every possible area of her life. And I was heartbroken for her and I just wanted to help her. I just wanted to help her. I wanted to support her. I want to teach her all the mindset tools that we have, you know, let me show her the model, you know, I'm going to help. I'm going to help solve all of these problems. And she said, if you solve her problems, she doesn't get the lesson.

you are hindering her journey by trying to get her out of struggle. And I was like, what?

It, Erica, I'm telling you that changed my life. Yeah. Especially changed my relationship with her because now I can just love her and support her and not try to get her to see it my way.

Speaker 2 (14:32)
So you just let them rail on you then? Like, what do you do?

Speaker 1 (14:35)
boundaries. Yeah, yeah. Like, no, there's things I'm not going to accept or tolerate. Yeah, of course. You know, but then there could be times like, hey, if you're going to raise your voice, I'm going to leave the room. Like you can write whatever. And you can try to insult me. But I'm not going to receive it. Yeah, I know that's, you know, that's hard. That's not easy to do when somebody you care about is saying, well, your business isn't working or

whatever he's saying, you know, it's like, No, I don't, I don't receive that. And I'm sorry, you see it that way. ⁓ But that's okay. Yeah, yeah, you can. Abby says you can nicely tell him your words have impact and then just let him do his own soul searching.

Speaker 2 (15:22)
⁓ that's good too. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:24)
All you can do is support his journey, but in a way that keeps you within your boundaries. Right. You know, there's like, if, there's bad behavior on anyone's part, I don't want to support that behavior. So that's not what I'm suggesting. I'm saying like, support the journey without necessarily agreeing to the behavior or the words. And guess what that is, Erica, guess what that is work that you do.

for yourself on yourself to get to that point. And at no point of this were we changing him or fixing his mindset. Right. Because we can't.

Speaker 2 (16:01)
Because we can't.

Speaker 1 (16:03)
I mean, it hasn't worked for me yet, changing people how to think.

Speaker 2 (16:07)
No, definitely. No, I like that. That really shifts a lot. ⁓

Speaker 1 (16:12)
Good. And it's okay to be misunderstood. He doesn't have to understand you. Right. There's not a lot of people that can understand your awesomeness. ⁓

Speaker 2 (16:24)
Sorry, we of expect that from your life partner, but yeah, but you you don't always get it like you correct. Yeah. Yeah. And the reason

Speaker 1 (16:28)
You would hope. You would hope.

The reason you don't is because he's a human. Yes. And so are you. So it's and relationships are dynamic and so is business and it's personal. And we're just learning to navigate that and manage our own minds around it to bring the best possible experience. But we're not trying to avoid any of this because welcome to life. I hope that this conversation gave you some clarity and encouragement because you are not alone in this.

the doubts and the resistance from others, the moments you question if it's all worth it, it's just all part of the journey and it's very natural. But so is growth, resilience and success. If you're ready to stop spinning your wheels and start building real momentum, I want to invite you to join us inside of Elevate. It's not just about growing your business, it's about becoming the kind of person who does not need permission

to succeed. You can learn more at www.flourish.academy.com.